2003-05-15 - 1:13 p.m.
OK, so, as per usual for this band, our drummer cancelled practice last night. Bummer, cuz I really was looking forward to getting into a fight. So I called our singer and our guitarist and officially quit my role as �band leader� (which I never wanted in the first place). I told them that I would show up to practice ONLY IF someone called me and confirmed, I was no longer looking for a new bass player, and my �duties� would be to collect/pay band rent and fix the website and THAT�S IT! So they called a band meeting tonight, presumably because they think I�m on the verge of quitting. Which I am� So, more on that tomorrow.
The place I called to get some therapy hasn�t called me back yet� maybe they thought I was joking� sigh�
My birthday is quickly approaching. I�m getting old. Older than I thought physically possible, OK not really� but I am getting old. My birthday is next Thursday. I�m taking my floating holiday on that Friday and then Monday is a holiday! Sounds fun to me. On Sunday a bunch of us are going to play paintball. Not sure if I�ll really enjoy it or not. I think the first time I get hit in my neuropathy ridden legs with a paint ball, I might bug out. But I�ll give it a try. I also have many tattoos and I don�t really want to destroy them by raising large welts over them.
I watched Notorious C.H.O. last night. It was pretty funny, I liked it. At the end she starts to talk about her eating disorder and body image etc. She said you just need to let go of what society thinks about beauty and be who you are. Wouldn�t it be nice if it were that easy? I�m 5�2� and 130 lbs and I feel fat. It sucks� I go on diets, I take diet pills, I obsess over my clothes� probably because I�m on stage so often. Also all of my friends are fucking beauty queens. Why do I care what other people think of me? I have no idea. Intellectually I could give a shit (hence the dyed hair and tattoos), but somewhere deep in the recesses of my fucked up little brain, I care, and I care A LOT! Pitiful.
More on that some other day, presumably it will come up in therapy.
On a lighter note, MY BDAY IS COMING UP! Buy me gifts�
