2003-10-02 - 1:00 p.m.
Life�s a bitch and then you die, very, very, slowly�
Well� out of the blue my husband has decided to leave me. I�m completely distraught, flabbergasted, sad, blindsided, freaked out, scared, angry and a host of other emotions.
I think it all boils down to the fact that he has a HUGE childhood trauma that he�s never really dealt with. When he was 11 he saw both his parents die in a car crash. He�s NEVER recovered. Right now, I happen to be the exact age of his mother when she died, and on his bday he will be the exact age of his father when he died. This freaks him out beyond belief. What compounds his angst is that I am a diabetic and will most likely die before him. I think he�d rather break us apart on his terms rather that wait for life�s terms. It�s not fair, it�s sad, it�s pathetic. He refuses to get any counseling and so I am left just to accept this. He�s running away from his fear, pain, hurt, and responsibilities.
As far as I can tell he has emotionally shut down and I can see in his eyes that he is gone. I�m trying to come to terms with the fact that this relationship (which I truly thought was forever) is now over. What really sucks is that I really did believe that he was my �soul mate� and all that pile of crap. This is my second marriage to fail and after the first I vowed not to get married again. But then along comes Lonnie who sucked me back into that old romantic soul mate bullshit and BLAMO I�m married again. With TWO tattoos to commemorate. Nice.
It only really makes sense though� I met him through a personal add:
#1107
I met him on
7/11
we were married on
11/7
he bailed in year�
7
A big cosmic joke. Funny. Really fucking funny.
